Domestic Violence Against Men by Charles E. Corry, Ph.D.

| Chapter 11 — Violent Women |

| Next — Abuse of and violence against children |

After a ten year war, 'domestic violence' is what happened to the Trojan women after Helen ran off with her boyfriend. That historic lesson seems to be ignored by modern feminists.

Introduction

Why do women hit men?

What options does an abused man have?

No options once 911 is dialed

Introduction

I make no claim that men do not participate in violence and abuse of their intimate partners. I do state that current views and laws present a totally unbalanced picture of domestic violence and abuse and that the patriarchal basis used by feminists to justify these draconian laws are false.

Studies clearly show that women are as violent as men, and as frequently in domestic situations. Thus, blaming men for the problem is irrational, and does nothing to solve the problem. Our approach is to fix the problem, not the blame.

In their 2000 report on family violence, the Revs. Sam and Bunny Sewell point out that:

1. Women are three times more likely than men to use weapons in spousal violence.

2. Women initiate most incidents of spousal violence.

3. Women commit most child abuse and most elder abuse.

4. Women hit their male children more frequently and more severely than they hit their female children.

5. Women commit most child murders and 64% of their victims are male children.

6. When women murder adults the majority of their victims are men .

7. Women commit 52% of spousal killings and are convicted of 41% of spousal murders.

8. Eighty two percent of the general population had their first experience of violence at the hands of women.

Why do women hit men?

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Gelles (1997, p. 133) put it succinctly: “People hit and abuse family members because they can.” And in today's society, as reflected in TV, movies, and feminist propaganda, women are openly given permission to hit men. For example, see Kathleen Parker's September 5, 1999, article: A slap in the face of domestic violence. However, until the problems and causes of female violence are recognized and addressed, and society withdraws permission to hit from women, we are fighting a losing war against family violence. It bears repeating that the human male is the most dangerous animal on the planet and to provoke him at any time, for any reason, is very dangerous.

Fiebert and Gonzales have looked at the reasons why women assault from a sample of 978 college women. Within a 5-year period, 20%, or 285 of the women surveyed admitted to physical aggression against their male partners. There would not seem to be any support in the available data for the feminist idea that women only use violence in self defense. The most-common immediate reasons these women gave for assaulting their male partners included:

• My partner wasn't sensitive to my needs.

• I wished to gain my partner's attention.

• My partner was not listening to me.

In the Fiebert and Gonzales survey the factor of the male being abusive to the woman was one of the less-frequently stated reasons for the female's assault. They also asked for deeper reasoning as to why the woman assaulted her male partner. The five leading deeper reasons the women gave were:

• I believe that men can readily protect themselves so I don't worry when I become physically aggressive (24%).

• I have found that most men have been trained not to hit a woman and therefore I am not fearful of retaliation from my partner (19%).

• I believe if women truly are equal to men then women should be able to physically express anger at men (13%).

• I learned when growing up that I could be physically aggressive toward my brother and he would not fight back (12%).

• I sometimes find when I express my anger physically I become turned on sexually (8%).

Of course the problem with these responses is that if the male does retaliate then he is very likely to injure the woman. We have previously made the analogy of putting a woman in a house with a bear and the results if she mistreats the bear. Men are much more dangerous than bears and the rationalizations found by Fiebert and Gonzales could well lead to the same result of the woman being mauled. Naturally, the feminist dogma is that it's always his fault. Such an irrational response is very dangerous and a likely cause for many assaults on women.

Straus (1999b, his Table 2) has presented a cogent explanation of why women assaults are high in a domestic situation, but much lower elsewhere. One of his notes indicates that women are inhibited from public assaults by a realization that a man who is not committed to them may retaliate and injure them, but that a partner may be hit because he probably won't strike them in return.

The lesson is that it isn't safe for anyone to provoke a human male for any reason at any time.

What options does an abused man have?

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What can you do if you, the male, are being abused? Under the current laws virtually the only alternative is to leave before you end up in jail as a result of her attacks. That is not the answer you want to hear but it is the only realistic one under current Colorado laws. If you have children, or own a home, you will be infinitely better off in a divorce if you leave before you are charged with domestic violence than after. You may be able to take the children with you, or to their grandparents, but talk with an attorney first.

Trying to stick it out and help when a woman is battering you is probably not going to work as Harry Stewart, among many others, found.

You will be arrested and jailed if she charges you with domestic violence, or 911 is dialed during an argument. You will then have only the clothes you are wearing at the time of the arrest. Your children will be left in the custody of your spouse, or taken to a foster home. If you have a police officer accompany you, you can return one time to get any items from your home that are undisputed, and that can be moved in that time period. But note that the police are there to protect her, not you, a fact that cost a University of Colorado professor his life when his wife shot him in the presence of a female Boulder police officer in December, 1997.

It is also very likely that she will later charge you with physical or sexual abuse of your children after she charges you with domestic violence or abuse.

Your best bet might be the tactic many women use: If you file a restraining order first, then she must leave the house. If you have visible injuries from her abuse, you are certainly entitled to file a restraining order or domestic violence charges against her. Do not expect cooperation from the “male-haters anonymous,” excuse us, “victim's assistance” women at the courthouse. As a test, a local group had both a man and a woman try to file a restraining order based on exactly the same charges. The woman was given the order, the man was rebuffed. Thus, you are well-advised to have an attorney with you when filing. If filing first isn't feasible, wait till she goes to work, or is out of the house, then pack up what you can and get out. Depending on circumstances, your attorney might even advise you to take the children with you, or leave them with the grandparents if you have to leave your home. Men with abusive wives have nightmares about leaving their children to the tender mercies of the woman as such women also commonly abuse children.

No options once 911 is dialed

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In an article on domestic violations, Cathy Young cites a number of cases of alleged domestic violence where women did not want charges filed, yet under mandatory arrest and “no drop” laws, the men were forced to trial (a jury trial is your only hope of clearing your name) or pled guilty to end the ordeal (a bad choice with a lifetime sentence). The feminist rationale for these policies is that women who are abused often lie out of fear. Feminists do not believe individual women are capable of making decisions in their own best interests even in the cold light of dawn, or after they have sobered up. Thus, the all-knowing and all-powerful State, led by Big Sister, is to make the decision for them.

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