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Talk to other men about domestic violence
Support organizations who uphold families and civil liberties
Vote and speak out for men's rights
The most critical issue is the loss of our civil rights
We have been amazed at the outpouring of stories of domestic violence against men related to, or known by, men and women we work with, or come in contact with.
Talking about family violence against themselves or their children is very difficult for a man and we think it is important that he be made aware of how common it is. Cut and paste our URL, http://www.dvmen.org into an e-mail to someone you know who is suffering from, or has been charged with domestic violence or abuse.
If you are suffering abuse at the hands of a woman, please look at the stories of other Colorado men who have suffered what you are going through. Stories of abused men from Canada and other parts of the United States are also linked. At least you will find you are not alone.
There are also a substantial number of other Web sites for men in the United States, Canada, and New Zealand that might help you. We add them as we find them.
If you have suffered physical or mental abuse from a female partner and would like to have your summarized story included, please e-mail us at webmaster@ejfi.org. We also appreciate hearing from friends or relatives of abused men. Anonymity will be preserved unless advised otherwise. While we have concentrated on abuse in Colorado we also include stories from other states.
We have also included links to many other Web sites that may be of use to you or someone you know if embroiled, or just interested in domestic violence. Access to sites for legal research are also given.
We continue to try and expand our attorney referrals for those men entrapped in the legal morass of domestic violence and abuse.
Support and suggestions for our Web site are always appreciated. You might also call the attention of your city council, state representatives, governor, and senators and congressmen to what we have to say. Pasting our URL, http://www.dvmen.org into an e-mail to them is one good way to do that. We can't help with reaching your local city government but here is where you can find:
United States of America — (Web sites in the executive branch listed on a Japanese site)
U. S. House of Representatives
Colorado House of Representatives
Feel free to cut and paste anything else in our site to your government representatives that you think is pertinent. Note, however, that a written letter is often more effective than an e-mail. Better yet, send both.
We support organizations that help care for children and families in need, that work to support our civil liberties, provide food and shelter for the homeless, and provide a gender-neutral, balanced approach to the problem of domestic violence. However, before donating to an organization, or group of organizations through United Way, we suggest you satisfy yourself that they are not supporting the opposite of these worthy objectives.
Any family violence program based solely on the “male abuser - female victim” paradigm is not addressing many of the problems of domestic violence and abuse. If you would like to help solve the problem of domestic violence seek out those organizations that provide a balanced approach without blaming either men or women as the sole source of the violence.
Unfortunately, many government agencies, and legitimate charities, have been funding a feminist political cause, rather than supporting rational, solution-focused, family-violence prevention and treatment programs.
Consider the following United Way advertisement that appeared in October, 2002:
Linda is not in the hospital tonight.
She wasn't beaten by her partner and her jaw isn't broken.
She won't have any broken teeth pulled and she's not bleeding internally.
Thanks to intervention programs made possible by United Way donors, volunteers and community agencies, she doesn't live with her abusive partner anymore.
It's not an easy process, but tonight thank to people like you, Linda is not in the hospital.
Please get involved with United Way- the more people who donate their time and money, the more we can do to improve our community.
United Way, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Addresses of government officials can be found through the links above if you would like to voice your opinion and recommend a more balanced approach.
You can find out what any charity who receives more than $25,000 per year in contributions does with your money through Guidestar. You can also search there for charitable organizations doing work you favor.
Your local United Way, or other charitable organization should be able to demonstrate that it gives an equal amount toward the care and succor of battered men as it does for women, and is seeking to solve the problem rather than just blaming men. If they can't you should voice your objections to such one-sided support.
Provide your help to organizations you feel can fix the problem, not the blame .
We, and our elected representatives, need to separate gender politics from the issue of family violence. All of us need to look at the full spectrum of family violence, not just female victims. Write or speak with your local city council and state representatives about your desire to preserve families, not tear them apart.
Scientific studies and rigorous statistics must be used when we make policy decisions and not just government “politically correct” propaganda. We cannot hope to implement rational, solution-focused programs and policies until we face the fact that women are at least as violent as men in intimate relationships. Be sure your elected representatives are aware of the scientific studies and ask them to rely on science rather than feminist ideology when seeking solutions.
Domestic violence is not a problem of simply men beating women to maintain the patriarchy as feminists simplistically claim. It is a problem of couples who are mutually abusive, women who abuse men, and men who abuse women. And women who abuse men commonly abuse their children as well. The same problems with violence exist in gay and lesbian couples as well.
There are multiple causes of violence and abuse in intimate relationships including:
• Abusive childhoods for both boys and girls,
• Medical problems including both physical and mental health.
• A common thread for violent men and women is being raised in a fatherless home.
One of the first, and major hurdles to overcome is a recognition by an individual that their behavior is abusive. We suggest you review the ABC's of Battering if you think you or someone close to you is violent or abusive. If you or they recognize those characteristics it is definitely time to seek help.
If you are involved with, or becoming intimate with a woman whose behavior may seem a little strange, we suggest you review the common characteristics of dangerous women. You may be able to avoid an immense amount of grief, expense, and misery.
Counselling, medical treatment, and breaking the cycle of fatherless homes all hold promise of reducing family violence. Forcing the couple into the confrontational and frightening arena of police and courts as the first, and only response to their problem can only aggravate an already troubled situation. An all too common result is that society destroys the family by this draconian approach when the problem might be transient, e.g., the man may be unemployed.
When a couple is involved in domestic violence in your community is it always the male who is arrested? Don't you find that suspicious in and of itself?
When treatment is mandated, is it the man who is sent to brain-washing sessions, based on the Duluth model, where he is forced to acknowledge the evils of the patriarchy, while the violence of his mate is ignored, and no treatment is given her? Do you think that approach solves anything? Let your city council know what you think and ask for more realistic treatment of the problem.
Do you think a family, even though they have problems, that wants to stay together and raise their children should be helped? Or driven apart by the State and their children placed in foster care as presently happens?
Tell the politicians you support families, not feminist ideology and the destruction of civilization.
There is no reason that established shelters cannot deal with intimate partner violence in all its manifestations, male-on-female, female-on-male, mutual combat, and gay and lesbian. If your local shelters are working toward that goal, encourage them. Speak out when you have a chance to support them.
Police state tactics and the policies of tyrants being used today in the name of quelling “domestic violence” are more dangerous than the problem.
Tyranny always sows the seeds of its own destruction but we would prefer to maintain our civilization rather than see it destroyed by the shortsightedness of feminist ideology and political misguidance.
Ask your politicians why they are violating their oath to uphold the Constitution?
Vote for politicians who offer solutions not blame.
| EJF Home | Join the EJF | Comments? | Get EJF newsletter | Newsletters |
| DV Home | Abstract | Contents | Tables | Index | Bibliography |
| Next — How did we get here and where are we going? |
This site is supported and maintained by the Equal Justice Foundation.