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| Chapter 9 — The Male Perspective |
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You manage to see her charges coming
Checking accounts, credit cards, other financial instruments
Compiling and preserving evidence
Once out, stay out, and stay away
Adapt, improvise, and overcome
It should be obvious that social media should be scanned before going out with a woman. Currently, sites like Facebook, Tinder, Match.com, Ashley Madison.com, other dating sites, and a simple Google search on her name should be scanned for data on this woman's behavior and previous or current relationships.
By 2019 the Internet has made it trivial and inexpensive to do background checks on virtually anyone. As attorney RK Hendrick emphasizes in his book How To Avoid “Getting Screwed” When Getting Laid.
The same might be said for a woman dating a man but our concern is with what lunachics are doing to men under current laws like VAWA and state derivatives thereof. There are many online search engines available and easily found by searching on “background check.” We have used TruthFinder with some success but it costs $28/month and there are many others, some free. Also, the field is still evolving so do an Internet search for “background check.” If you don't, you only have yourself to blame when you finally find out the truth!
One of the few defenses a male in a relationship has under the current domestic abuse laws is to leave. That may at least give you a chance to pack your belongings and make some plans.
In today's climate there is a good chance you will never be able to come back if you leave. She is very likely to claim that you assaulted her, or physically or sexually abused the children.
It may be of some use to recognize the danger signs and read stories of what other men have gone through to understand what you are in for and, perhaps, prepare yourself.
Abusive relationships usually don't happen all of sudden. There are usually a number of precursors. We have listed many danger signs in another section.
If the conversation goes south let her know that her behavior is unacceptable and end the discussion. Leave if you have to. She wants to fight with you but, to a certain degree, you can establish limits on what you are willing to tolerate.
We also strongly recommend you read Erin Pizzey's section on emotional terrorists to help understand what you are probably facing. The police and courts are not on your side in a domestic situation and truth and justice are the first casualties of the battle.
It is also strongly recommended that you take an hour to watch the video Don't Talk To Police! at your first opportunity before you get arrested.
If you see the charges coming (most men don't), and you have good evidence, you might try filing a domestic abuse restraining order against her. We suggest consulting an attorney before doing this, and having the attorney accompany you to the courthouse in order to file the restraining order. The victim's assistance women (male-haters anonymous) will not help you, as they would a woman. In fact, without your attorney present they may well be able to prevent you from filing. Face the fact that the court system is not on your side now or at any point in the proceedings. However, filing a restraining order against her is a dangerous game for a man as she will then commonly file a restraining order against him, which the court is almost certain to grant. While the penalties of a restraining order may not have much effect on her, and likely won't be enforced anyway, you will be subject to such penalties as loss of your guns, etc.
While the abuse and violence are growing many men employ various methods to attempt to diffuse potentially violent situations:
• Go into another room, the garage, or lock themselves away in a safe place.
• Leave the dwelling, go to family or friends (but they commonly make the mistake of failing to tell anyone the real reason).
• Sleep in their car, shed, garage, or wherever they can find shelter.
• Promise to do whatever she asks or demands.
• Accept responsibility for all sorts of untrue accusations.
• Cover up for their violent partner.
These are all survival tactics but they will not stop her attacks. We also offer a number of suggestions on what you might do to keep the situation from escalating out of control in another section.
Other defense tactics may include:
• Try to keep at least 8-10 feet away from her at all times. If she advances, casually move back.
• If forced out of the house, or you left voluntarily, and there is any history or threat of her filing a false DV claim, do not enter the house or apartment under any circumstances unless accompanied by the police or at least one other witness.
• If you manage to get her out of your house or apartment, change the locks on all doors immediately, and bar all windows and sliding doors. A burglar alarm may also be a useful investment. Video surveillance, as described on the next page, is almost always essential.
• If you have to approach the house alone (not recommended) it is suggested you ring the doorbell, then step away from the door and perhaps even on to the public sidewalk. Let her speak with you completely in public view and carry a portable video or tape recorder that is turned on and recording. Do not enter the home!
• If you drive to her home, it can be quite useful to keep a camcorder running in the car and pointed at the door. Even if it is sideways, it will corroborate any physical interactions and if she begins screaming the camcorder may pick up the sound as well.
Most men will do almost anything in the vain hope of stopping the abuse. What they fail to do is record the incidents, injuries, or pattern of events. If you are bruised, cut, or otherwise injured, take photographs or a video and keep them in a safe place with notes as to date, time, place. A cell phone with an accurate date/time stamp feature is a big plus but be sure and download your evidence to a flash drive that you store in a safe place where she can't get at it. Also keep a timeline with a brief description of each and every incident. Write every single event, time and date down in a notebook. No matter how trivial write it down and be sure to keep a copy of your notes and photos somewhere other than your house or office so that you can get to it after she files charges or a restraining order. If she catches on to what you are doing your phone, recordings, and notes will disappear!
In later legal actions such evidence will be critical. However, be sure and keep this evidence in a place she doesn't have access to or know about outside the house or your office. Leaving copies with friends or relatives you can trust is also a good idea but it is best not to let anyone else know you are taking pictures or making recordings. Word gets around. It is also damaging to let the kids know, so keep them out of it entirely. In far too many cases we have heard from men who collected such evidence only to have the woman destroy it when she found it (a felony, but she is a woman so there is no penalty) or take out a restraining order that prevented the man from retrieving the evidence he had.
Audio and visual recordings are also be useful but may be difficult to get entered into evidence. If the court does allow them to enter you will probably need to have the audio transcribed as well. If the court will not allow video or audio evidence to enter you can, however, testify (from notes) as to what is on the recordings.
If you are married a divorce is always difficult, and emotions run high especially if you have children. But you may have no other choice under current laws. Remember, under VAWA, if she files charges of domestic violence against you and you are convicted, plead guilty, accept a plea bargain, accept a deferred sentence, or plead no contest, primary and legal custody of your children will go to her. Also, you probably won't be able to see your children for a year or two, if ever, except under supervised visitation that you will pay for.
Don't let an alcoholic or emotionally-disturbed woman drag you down to her level. If she is emotionally or mentally disturbed you will find yourself losing your own points of reference in trying to deal with her. However, you must stay on the high road and keep an even keel, no matter how great the effort.
Remember that it is likely you picked her. That may mean your emotional gears are attracted to sick women and this may not be your first abusive relationship. If so, you have work to do learning about yourself so you don't find yourself in yet another sick relationship. And review the common characteristics of dangerous women before becoming involved again.
In Corry v Rizzo the Colorado Court of Appeals has held that a wife does not owe fiduciary duty (any further financial responsibility) to her husband once they begin discussing the possibility of a divorce. The reverse probably isn't true, however. Note that Corry began discussing divorce with Rizzo when he found evidence she was having an affair.
Therefore, once trouble begins, for your own protection, you must cancel any joint credit or debit cards, close any joint checking or savings accounts, terminate any credit lines, or any other financial instruments you hold jointly. Otherwise she is almost certain to empty these accounts of any cash, run up the credit cards to their limits, take out any cash advances or loans she can, and any other dirty trick she can think of. If you own a home or other property together she may also try to get an equity loan from the bank, so a talk with whoever holds the mortgage would be wise.
It may also be wise to monitor the mail when you first become suspicious of her actions using the informed delivery option provided by the post office.
When you open new accounts in your name be certain that your paycheck, or other income you may have, is going entirely to your new account(s). For example, in Corry v Rizzo, she sent a change of address form to his employer requesting that they send his paycheck to her.
In many cases it will be much cheaper and easier simply to sign things like title to your house over to her rather than pay many thousands of dollars to attorneys. If you don't then the court will likely give her title anyway and require you to make the payments on it as well, in addition to her attorney fees. Unless you have well over $50,000 in equity in joint property it is almost always cheaper to simply give title to her and tell the mortgage company you are walking away from the house after giving them a copy of the quitclaim deed.
Another option we have seen used successfully is to transfer title of the house into a trust for your children. That will probably require that you continue to make payments and provide insurance on the house but will avoid many attorney fees and she won't own it, or be able to sell it. Some cooperation from your wife may be necessary to use that option, however.
If you have two (or more) cars sign one over to her immediately and formally transfer title and insurance to her.
It would also be wise at the beginning to read some of the stories about women who have killed their partner s so that you are aware of what may happen to you. Note that poison is often the method of choice for women and antifreeze is a common poison. Thus, if your coffee or tea start tasting sweeter, or you see her with a green fluid, you have been warned. But it is also a good idea to remove all other weapons she might use, and watermelon goes well with arsenic we've learned.
If she has taken out an insurance policy on you, particularly a large one, with her as the beneficiary, it is very likely your life is in danger at this point. Cancel that policy immediately if you can (you can't cancel a policy she owns) or change the beneficiary if you are not married so that she doesn't benefit in case of your sudden and inexplicable demise. If you can't cancel the policy, or change the beneficiary you should remain a discrete distance from her. We suggest a minimum of 500 miles, with 1,000 probably much safer. You should review Dr. Farrell's Twelve Female Only Defenses in such cases. It can happen to you. Far too many men have paid with their lives when the wife or sweetheart wanted the insurance money.
Obviously, you need to change the beneficiary on all insurance policies, accounts, trusts, and in your will (make one if you don't have one) to your children or some other party than your wife immediately before or after you begin discussing divorce. The Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA) will dictate what changes you can make to the designated beneficiaries for your retirement and insurance accounts. Generally your wife must get at least one-half of all your accounts in the event of your death until the divorce is final. For your own safety it is probably better and wiser to cancel any insurance you own rather than carry your wife or significant other as a beneficiary through the breakup.
By now it should be obvious that your best defense in many cases is simply not to get married in the first place. Unfortunately, that is exactly the goal of the radical feminists behind these draconian laws and policies.
Though it is a felony to destroy evidence, women commonly do it anyway with little fear they will be prosecuted. So keep any diaries, records, photographs, video or tape recordings, etc., outside the house, apartment, or office where she can't get at them. If you have a lawyer, be sure he has either the originals or good copies and keep him up to date. But never, ever give an attorney an original document, recording, picture, etc. that you don't have a copy of yourself!
Men also commonly fail to tell any family members of the situation, and make excuses for their injuries, even when they are injured so severely that they must go to the hospital or a doctor. They fear the humiliation and stigma of disclosure even when her violence is life-threatening.
But the only way to permanently stop the abuse and violence is to leave, no matter how difficult that may be. And the earlier you get out of the relationship after the abuse and violence begins, the better off you are and likely the easier it will be. Abused women are told: “If he hits you once, that's a warning. If he hits you again, that's the end of it.” That is excellent advice for a man as well!
If the safety of your children is a concern, ask the court to let you keep them, or let them stay with their grandparents or other relatives. One method might be to say you are taking them on a visit to grandma's house and then simply leave them there if the grandparents are up to the battle that will inevitably ensue.
Putting them in a foster home would be a last resort rather than returning them to an abusive mother and, quite probably, her new boyfriend. Realistically, it is very unlikely the court will grant such a request if the children are initially left in her custody. Possession is often the deciding factor in child custody disputes. That is a basic reason why so many women file false allegations of abuse or violence as the restraining order de facto determines custody. Your best bet may be to take the children with you if you can.
If she is assaulting you, about your only option is to leave as the police will likely arrest you if 911 is dialed. If she is assaulting the children, and you are concerned for their safety, take them with you. Leave with whatever you have on and, hopefully, your wallet and car keys. Don't try to talk to her, pack your clothes, or restrain her unless your personal safety is at stake. Just get out as quickly as you can!
If you are not present when the police arrive the chances of your being charged and arrested are greatly reduced. Officers are not as likely to find “probable cause” when they arrive if you are gone, particularly where there is no clear cut evidence of a fight or injuries. But be aware that many women are known to fake injuries or go to an emergency room and claim they've been assaulted in order to get their partner arrested. They may even call the police the next day and claim they were assaulted but were afraid to call before in order to get you arrested.
Before or after you have left, on the basis of whatever flimsy and unsubstantiated story she may invent, the court will almost certainly grant her at least a temporary restraining order if she asks. If you have filed a retraining order against her, bet on her doing the same in spades. Thus, attempting to get a restraining order against her is something we definitely do not recommend.
If any part of the above situations apply to you and you are getting divorce, follow your attorney's advice to the letter (but be sure you have a competent attorney), and stay as far away from her as possible until the permanent orders hearing. No phone calls to her or the kids, no letters, no driving by the house, no messages through friends(?), and, most especially, no threats or hostile actions. Preferably leave the state until the hearing unless you have the kids with you. You are a lamb being led to slaughter unless you stay away. Silence, distance, and a good lawyer are your only protection. And the fact that the domestic violence laws are an unemployment relief act for hordes of American attorneys has been duly noted.
With an attorney, a man has a slim chance of preventing the restraining order from becoming permanent. But remember that hearsay is admissible, and you will not be able to talk to her, or any of her friends before the hearing without violating the temporary restraining order. And if you do violate the order, however inadvertently or innocently, e.g., passing her on the highway, the likely outcome is jail and she gets the order (as well as the house and kids) made permanent because you have conclusively demonstrated how dangerous you are.
If, despite your best efforts to get clear you are charged with domestic violence, your only option for survival is to plead innocent and insist on a jury trial.
But what if you absolutely can't afford a lawyer? You are very unlikely to get a public defender in these circumstances, let alone a competent one. If the facts support you, you have a reasonable chance with a jury even without a lawyer if you spend the time and make the effort to learn how the court system works. Some courts now offer some help to pro se litigants. Take advantage of that if at all possible.
• Resist all temptations to plea bargain.
• Do not plead guilty, or no contest to the charges.
First, the District Attorney cannot plea bargain to a charge that does not include domestic violence under current law, C.R.S. § 18-6-801(3), no matter what they claim. Secondly, if you plead guilty or no contest, your nightmare is just beginning, and it is a lifetime sentence without possibility of parole. Third, a trial by the court will almost certainly result in your conviction. A trial to a judge by a man is just a long, slow way of pleading guilty.
A jury is your only hope. Fortunately, it is a reasonable hope. Juries are about the last functioning component of the American judicial system.
In the case of a restraining order, show up at the hearing in a suit and tie (hard to do, we know, since your clothes are probably in what is now her house), hair neatly trimmed, clean shaven or your beard neatly trimmed, and with any witnesses and documentation you can obtain. Don't argue with her or the judge but present your side of the case as quietly and concisely as possible. Some judges are now aware of the abuses of such restraining orders by many women and you might get lucky.
If the judge does grant her the restraining order, ask to have as many of the restrictions removed as possible, e.g., possession and use of alcohol, distance you must keep away, visitation with the kids, some form of contact to settle divorce issues, permission to return to your home one time for the purpose of retrieving your clothes and other possessions, and anything else you can reasonably request. It is difficult to get such orders changed later and Colorado now requires a four (4) year waiting period before you can request a modification to a permanent, i.e., lifetime, restraining order. A few judges try to make a somewhat balanced decision while hanging you out to dry.
If you are going through a divorce, make the court aware of that as a restraining order may be limited to the divorce and not made permanent. Don't be too optimistic about the outcome, however.
Buy or borrow whatever clothing and toiletries you need but don't go back to your house unless she moves out and you clear it with your attorney and the court beforehand. If absolutely necessary, on a one-time only basis, you can return for one-hour only to your house in the presence of a police officer to get what you can grab, and she doesn't contest, of your clothing and possessions. Bear in mind that the police are there to protect her, not you, as a Colorado University professor found out in December, 1997. His wife shot him to death in the presence of a female Boulder police officer while he was trying to get his gear in just this type of situation.
If you do exercise the escorted-return option, computers and camp gear would be our priority after clothing as stories abound of women trashing these items.
Better yet, you think a man shouldn't even become involved in a “domestic” relationship. Particularly if you've been burned once. Thus, the logical response of a man to the present laws is the adoption of the 3F Principle: Find, Fornicate, Forget, and among men who have become cynical under the current redfem regime, they now practice Find, Fornicate, Fleece, and Forget. And girls, you've brought this on yourself! So don't blame men yet once again for something the sisterhood has done.
After reading these lines, are you in search of a meaningful 30-minute relationship? Your logic is impeccable and that is where the feminist-inspired domestic violence laws are driving us. But by following the 3F principle you may be playing into feminist hands, as it is their oft-avowed intention to separate man and woman as parents and establish a matriarchal society. And under current laws a man must be functionally insane to marry and a drooling idiot to sire a child.
If you like sharing available women around a campfire, the present laws should be your ideal. However, it is our belief that this is a failed evolutionary path in human development, as we discuss in the evolution of society. That same point is made more forcefully by Dr. Amneus in his book The Garbage Generation. Erin Pizzey, who opened the first shelter for battered women in the world, regards the present feminist agenda as nothing less than the planned destruction of families. Further, we doubt the people passing these laws can handle making a fire, and that is about the level of technology society will support if current male oppression continues.
Where is there help for a man who has been beat down by a court and has not been a part of the welfare culture?
Many of our number have always been self-supporting, usually middle income and even wealthy, but are now destitute and even homeless or marginally homeless (living in someone's garage or barn).
These men, formerly well paid, hardworking men will often wait until it is too late to ask for help. These are the men who built America, who worked more hours on average than in any other country to provide better and more luxurious lifestyles for our wives and children. And, the thanks we get is to be trivialized, marginalized, disenfranchised, and even criminalized.
I have been intentionally made destitute and homeless three times by the courts. I am getting to be an old hand on getting back on my feet in weeks, if not days on the last go-round. I, now, always stay aware of what resources are available if the court decides to impoverish me once more.
On a recent trip to Austin, Texas, I saw more clean-cut men on the streets than ever before. These were clear-eyed, clean men who were homeless. In past depressions people had families and could all pull together. In this depression we have been stripped of family and our resources by an insane government that has allowed the redfem ideology to dominate and destroy millions of our productive men and loving fathers, together with their children. Single and divorced mothers fare no better after the house has been foreclosed and child support and alimony stops when the father is pushed into the streets.
The welfare culture is an informal information network of how to scam the most from the government and any NGO trying to assist truly needy. You will only be one of the truly needy until you can get your basic needs met, then you are on the road back up. That is the best way to shut down the redfem system that has stolen your children and property.
You will not be scamming anyone if you do this right and you will be given the temporary assistance you need, deserve, and have already paid for with your tax dollars.
In my years of involuntary research the only assistance regularly provided men is the Salvation Army (enter ZIPcode in box at upper right for location nearest you) . The Salvation Army will provide food, clothing, shelter, and will have a list of dentists and doctors who will donate time. This is a good start and they will take you in even if you have had your identification lost or stolen. They will take you in even if behind on child support.
Remember: If you are behind on child support you will not qualify for any government assistance at all. The only exception is if you are a veteran and they will help you with shelter (at the Salvation Army) and medical care in the VA. The Veterans Administration will also have a small check available for any impoverished veteran that can provide you food and a few necessities, even if not suffering from a service-connected disability. If you are a veteran just walk into any veterans service office (most counties have one), clinic, or hospital and tell them you are destitute.
Below, I cover a few basics of survival. We may know these things but in the turmoil of first time homelessness even the simplest of solutions are forgotten or overlooked.
Many do not realize the obvious and basic needs when it comes to health: nutritious food and clean water. You will also need box matches that are kept in a watertight container of some kind, e.g., a Ziplock bag, as well as a knife, e.g. a Leatherman or Swiss Army knife.
For cleanliness and drinking water it is essential to have a ready source of water, preferably from a municipal source or a spring, but sometimes a creek or river will have to do. Human performance drops rapidly after just a single day without water and in desert conditions even one day without water may be fatal.
You can get at least one meal a day in most small to larger cities. These are almost always operated and funded by Christians who have not yet forgotten their way. Many of these food kitchens will have at least two meals.
In the smaller communities the Catholic Churches (I am Baptist) provide assistance through their St. Vincent De Paul Societies. This group will also direct you to other resources.
Small towns may at times have a Salvation Army mission, but this group will always be in larger cities and sometimes have more than one location. They will provide food, sometimes a clean bed and shower, and will help direct you to medical care and obtaining shoes and clothing.
Many have forgotten the basic value of beans and rice, which can be purchased in the raw form very cheaply in almost any store.
Tin cans make excellent cookware and are easily found in most areas.
Meat, if available, can be grilled on any improvised platform as shown above or skewered on a green stick and cooked over a fire. The human gut long ago developed an ability to safely digest meat that smells quite rancid. Consider it as aged beef in a fancy restaurant. Wash and grill a little longer if necessary.
If camped alongside a stream ofttimes fish can be caught or trapped, crawfish found, and frog legs are a delicacy. Fresh caught they can be eaten raw.
Boiled rice can be packed in balls and keeps for many days. Wheat can be eaten raw and gathered for free around many grain elevators. In season, canning factories may be good sources of food. Fruit can often be found growing wild, hanging over a fence, or in remote orchards during summer months.
Ramen noodles are favored by many poor but the less processing that goes into any food product the cheaper it is. Fast-food restaurants may dispose of edible hamburgers and other food as they close. Many McDonalds help out the homeless in this fashion. Other homeless men are frequently a good source of information as to were to find food.
In many climates this is an immediate concern for basic survival through a large part of the year. If you had known what was coming from the divorce courts, you would have built up a survival backpack with an ultra-light sleeping tent, and an arctic sleeping bag. But, you could not conceive of how you would be trash-canned merely because you were a man, father, and good provider for your family. How could that warrant treatment worse than what we do with our violent criminals? A psychologist in one of my many efforts to continue to be able to see my child told me that even mass murderers get to see their children.
But, since you do not have a back pack or other items prepared (who did?), you really need to be aware of the insulation value of cardboard. A large portion of our world sleeps surrounded by cardboard that keeps them warm. It is easily found and easily disposable. You can sleep on it in the summer and wrapped in it in the winter so that your own body heat keeps you warm.
Along with cardboard, large sheets of plastic wrapping can sometimes be found in dumpsters, or old plastic tarps. These can make excellent shelters from the rain or snow.
In really severe weather, there will be shelters opening up, but don't count on it. In severe weather look for a church, Salvation Army mission, hospital, but not the police. The job of the police is to arrest people. Even if completely innocent of any crime, there are vagrant laws and other laws basically outlawing anyone who is impoverished. You may get a cold cell and some very bad, unhealthy food for a much longer stay than you want. And, remember, once you are in the police system's computers, you will always be a target and you will have an even greater expense load in trying to get back on your feet. If you ever want to see your children again, you will have to get back on your feet.
One of the basics of staying healthy is staying clean. In our area we have several popular beaches with city, state, and federal parks having showers and bathrooms. Away from the coast, you will have to fall back on the info you can gather at the Salvation Army from their staff or other residents. RV campgrounds like KOA and truckstops usually have showers that can be rented for a nominal fee. For most toilet paper is a necessity but always bury your waste and defecate and urinate as far away from your camp as possible if no restrooms are available and downstream of your water supply if on a creek or river.
Be careful about asking other homeless if they have the “street person” look, you know, the kind with the 1,000-yard-stare or the tin foil cap, they are frequently violent or will steal and rob. However, it is rarely advisable for homeless men to carry a gun in or around settled areas as that will probably get you arrested quicker than anything. If you do have a pistol keep it out of sight and don't show it to anyone. And never leave it where someone else going through your camp might find it. If you need a weapon a club or sharpened stick is a much better idea.
Once you are on the street and having to use some of the services provided the homeless you will begin to see and meet many clean, neat people who are living on the streets. Ask these people questions about safe places to sleep if the Salvation Army is full, or where to get a good shower. They will be a gold mine of help.
Never, never, ever go more than a half day without brushing your teeth. Your first purchase should be a toothbrush. You can clean your teeth well with salt and those little packets from the store do well. It is not as tasty as toothpaste, but will keep down bad breath and gum disease.
You must also keep your hair trimmed and remain clean shaven if possible, or your beard short and trimmed. A pair of scissors or a cast off razor will usually suffice.
After basic survival needs are met, you will have to start taking inventory of local resources that will help you get back on your feet. If you had local family or any real friends you would not be on the street, so I will assume you are a stranger in a strange land (no apologies here for being an old sci-fi fan and while you are in the library you might spend some time reading Robert Heinlein).
First, and foremost, is look for work. Do not rely only on the local unemployment office, that is really for people who still have a home. Some states have special homeless programs. Take full advantage of those. In the meantime, get as clean and as neat as you can and start walking into businesses and asking for work. Tell them the truth. Tell them the court stripped you of property to give to a faithless wife. You will be surprised at how many will say they, too, have been there and will give you some type of support. Always be gracious when turned away, as you will be many times.
There was a formerly well off-gray-haired homeless man who once saw another older man pull up to the curb with a little red sports car and a beautiful woman in it. He asked the man how he became rich. The man said he got a job on Wall Street. The older homeless man did that. He started off as a janitor and begged all he met for a better job. He slept at work. He was eventually given a part time, commission-only job. He now slept under a desk instead of on the street. He became wealthy once again. I would give you this man's name, but my own old gray head no longer provides names on demand as it once did.
The toughest part will be holding yourself together, emotionally. You have to do this or you will be pushed completely under.
Above all, remember, stay away from alcohol, drugs, or sex while homeless. Any one of these vices will get you into situations that will only make things much worse, if you can imagine that. I will not even begin to cover the tragedies you will visit on yourself when indulging in any of these before you have that first little apartment or scruffy motel room rented on your way back up.
Stay in touch with the family help groups (listed by state or listed by topic). Tell them what is going on. You will be surprised at the information and resources the individuals in these groups can provide. Remember, the Internet is free in public libraries, as is the bathroom. But, if you are dirty, abusive, or drunk you will be banned from even that.
Do not be afraid to let family and friends know you are homeless. Don't ask for help or they will distance themselves, let them offer. Always try to pay, even in work for any assistance. That will not only make you always welcome, but will open doors you did not know existed.
I can not emphasize the importance of getting or keeping a schedule of church attendance at the congregation where you are most comfortable if at all possible. The kindness of many of the people there is a great antidote for the harsh treatment of courts and the streets. Also, keeping the weekly schedule necessary to attendance will get you back on your emotional feet faster than you will believe until you have been there. (Just ignore the rude or hypocritical in church, all of the regular attendees do, but where else is there hope for these as well.)
Look at this homeless trip as a “survival camping trip” only the location is usually urban, not rural. Make it a game. However if you are having serious trouble with depression, get help. Walk into the nearest church, hospital, or homeless shelter and tell them you are having a serious bout of “situational depression.” They will help.
God bless and remember, each day you survive and can fight back for your life and the lives of your children is another day of victory. The system can not afford to have all of us fighting back. It will collapse under its own weight and then there will be hope for freedom once more.
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